Up & Down: Ongoing Tiger saga goes in both directions

Steve Elling | December 22, 2009

Up

Hawking the tour
Lost amid the caustic blasts unloaded at PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem after he staged a series of rose-colored-glasses proclamations last week relating to the tour's health was the impressive job his marketing staff has done in firming up sponsorships in a brutal economy. Finchem is delusional about the damage that Woods' actions will mean in the court of opinion, but his sales crew has done a terrific job despite a daunting and dire economic situation. Just to prove I was listening despite the commissioner's droning monologue that put me in an Ambien coma, Finchem mentioned Sony hopes to broadcast its Hawaiian event in 3D in 2011. The thing is, the Sony sponsorship contract expires after the 2010 tournament and no extension has been announced. At least not yet. So we can anticipate another renewal will be announced soon at a key full-field stop.

Master of your domain
Last week, a couple of us media types had a good chuckle after spotting the entrepreneurial types who have tried to make a buck off the Woods scandal, including a guy who registered some saucy, Woods-related domain names on Go Daddy and was auctioning them off on eBay. Well, a new sale started, with the rights to a package of website destinations with titles such as secretlifeoftigerwoods.com being offered for a cool $1 million (or best offer!). Actually, I think these go-getting guys are blowing it. Why isn't somebody selling "Honk if You Slept With Tiger Woods" bumper stickers for three or four bucks? Around Orlando alone, they would fly off the shelves, if not the Perkins' counters. You know, based on the allegations.

Sea horses for courses
Chalk up a nice win for golf in San Francisco last week when the city's parks and recreation department voted unanimously to re-route the seaside Sharp Park course in nearby Pacifica rather than close it, bulldoze it or turn it back into a brackish marsh. The site is populated by a couple of embattled species -- interestingly, neither was believed to have inhabited the site before the golf course was built 77 years ago -- but the environmentalists wanted the species protected nonetheless. There are several legislative hurdles remaining before the course's future is assured, but it's a smart start. The scenic public course is a haven for all types of golfers and the type of track that has increasingly drawn fire as cities nationally pare budgets and shut down taxpayer-supported recreational diversions. In one of America's most diverse towns, the course is a unifying common ground. The country doubtlessly can stand to lose a few more courses that were erected primarily in the name of greed, but plenty of the public tracks are worth protecting.

Fishbowls, shark tanks and transparency
It seemed like nary a month went by in 2009 when Padraig Harrington wasn't paired with Woods in a prominent tournament, starting with a couple of rounds at Bay Hill in March. But sheer proximity didn't give the Irish superstar any special insight into the secret life of Woods. Few players have offered comment on the Woods situation, and when Harrington spoke last week, he was just as shocked as everybody else. "Most of us would go out to dinner at tournaments, but Tiger couldn't go out," he told reporters in Ireland. "Living in a goldfish bowl, there was so little he could do, and I kind of felt sorry for him in that sense." Well, Paddy, you were wrong about that, too, because in some locales, Woods not only was going out, he was socializing. He not only wasn't a captive, he was running off the leash. And for a guy in a fishbowl, nobody was seemingly watching him swim. From here out, though, the fishbowl analogy fits. For the rest of his life, Woods is going to bear more scrutiny than ever before, from all sorts of media, not just golf scribes.

Down

When saying nothing would have actually worked
The New York Times lobbed another Molotov cocktail into the Woods scandal last week by linking the golfer to a controversial Canadian doctor who is being probed on smuggling charges relating to performance-enhancing drugs. After weeks of hearing nothing but the sound of dead crickets from Woods' camp as all hell broke loose, longtime agent Mark Steinberg sent an e-mail to the Times asking for consideration and leniency as the story was being prepped for print. "Give the kid a break," Steinberg wrote. Steinberg is known somewhat derisively in the golf business as Dr. No, because that's the overwhelming answer he has issued when somebody has sought information, a comment or access to his top client. After a decade of being standoffish and unavailable, he's asking for favors from the contingent he uniformly ignored? How's that for brass Titleists? It's not instant karma, but it's karma nonetheless.

Better laugh now
One of the better chuckles of the past few days -- and given the suffocating subject matter in golf, there have not been many -- was a list of 27 things we have learned during the Woods affair. The best was, "Unlike Columbo and Angela Lansbury, the Florida Highway Patrol will take no for an answer." Thus, it'll likewise be interesting to see whether the investigation by the Florida Department of Health into the Canadian doctor used by Woods will have any legs whatsoever. The doctor is apparently not licensed in Florida yet admitted to treating Woods in Orlando on several occasions, which means he possibly committed a felony carrying a sentence of up to five years in prison. Seems like a slam dunk in light of the admission, right? The kicker is that even if it is determined that Dr. Anthony Galea should be prosecuted, the case would be forwarded to the same toothless state attorney that declined to issue a subpoena for Woods' medical records, despite statements from witnesses at his Thanksgiving night crash scene that he seemed under the influence of something. The second-biggest chuckle of the week was when CNN noted on the air that the TW logo on Woods' hat was stood for Train Wreck.

Because they're just not overexposed enough
The Golf Channel has announced that Donald Trump will star in a new series beginning in late April that will pit celebrities, playing head-to-head contests on his courses, with the Man Himself providing commentary. In other distressing news, the network plans another season of reality TV starring the second-biggest societal screw-up in golf (having been supplanted four weeks ago by Woods). The show, Being John Daly, will also debut in the spring. Some analysts and commentators have predicted that given his lowered societal standing, Woods will siphon off some of Daly's fans when he returns to play, but it looks like J.D. isn't giving up without a fight. Aim low, John, aim low.

While we're on that subject ...
Who says it can't possibly get worse for Woods? Last week, on Dan Patrick's radio show, Daly offered to lend a sympathetic ear to Woods if he needs it. Daly has created more negative press coverage than any other player over the past decade -- at least until four weeks ago -- but there is no arguing that he has a big heart and that his offer was genuine. Been there, Daly said. "I'm there for him if he needs anything -- if he needs to talk, or whatever," he said. Really and truly, no disrespect intended, John, but if Woods is getting advice from you, then the tour and the game are doomed.